Tour hesitation

So normally one week away from heading out for summer tour I would be very excited and could hardly wait. Yet here I am, one week away from my last summer tour with Phish and the idea makes me nervous & sick. I have been doing either Phish or Dead tour for over 11 years now but for the first time in along time I really don't know what to expect. Normally heading out on tour is like returning to my home town. It is familiar, with lots of friends & going places I am use to. Yet this time I can not shake the feeling that it is going to a funeral. I am trying to approach this like a New Orleans style funeral, where there will be music and dancing to celebrate what was an amazing life. But I just can't buy into that philosophy. I want to. The funny thing is that more and more as time passes I am comfortable with Phish breaking up, yet I think in some sense I have already moved on. I am ready to "finally say that this has all been wonderful but now I am on my way." Yet there is 13 more shows. I can not believe that I am actually sounding upset that there are more shows, but I do kind of feel this. Maybe I just want to move on cause I really still have not fully dealt with it yet and I will not be able to avoid it on tour.